What has happened will not define me.

I heard someone say this week that "what has happened to us does not define us." This is really basic and obvious, but it is something that I find myself learning over & over again. Being married or single shouldn't be the main definition of my identity. Being a Mother shouldn't be the main identity of myself. My kids being "good" kids should not be wrapped up in my identity. I am not a sad story or broken mess because my husband died.
So who am I?
Right now I am asking myself this very thing, in certain social settings. Walking through a new and different season of life can be disorienting.
You might be thinking something like:
"How does she do it?"
"That's such a sad story!"
"I don't even know what I would do."
Well, here's the thing. When you have a personal relationship with God, HE is PEACE. (Isaiah 26:3) The Bible says that the Holy Spirit is THE COMFORTER. (Matthew 5:4)
Matthew 14 is one of my favorite passages to read when I think about Faith and Trust in our Lord. Peter steps out of the boat to walk toward Jesus on the water. At one point, he sees the wind and waves and becomes afraid taking his eyes off of Jesus. It is then that he starts to sink.
Aren't we all inclined to become afraid of the unknown and future? When we have that big question mark in life that we can't fix! It's easy to take our eyes off of the Lord and start to sink.
I know that as long as I keep my eyes fixed on Him, He will not only comfort me and bring peace, but He also promises much more than just peace and comfort. I can be secure because He provides, protects and guides me. My identity is in Christ.
So friend, I encourage you to keep your eyes on the Lord. Search for him. Read the Book of John & start talking to God if you don't know where to start. He will never leave or forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5) Put your trust in Him today!

The Before and After

Dear Bill,

Today I am missing you. I feel the longing to be in the "BEFORE" you were gone. The time we had together was so special. It was a time when life was growing, we were making traditions for our family. The kids were all small and cuddling all around us. It's a time that now stands still in my mind. Because you were with us. Oh, how I miss you. I remember your eagerness to pray for me when I would come to you because I needed to regroup. We were quite the team, weren't we?

So I'm sitting here in the AFTER. It's after you are gone. I know that one day I will see you again. The hard part is this in between. Finding the new normal. I mean normal wasn't going to be like my memories are of BEFORE. The kids are getting older. The season is changing with the kids. We had a couple of teenagers together. Now I have more than a couple. I have this weird tension of wanting the before, but being ok with learning to be in the after.
Grief...it's such a complicated emotional state.

So even though I miss you, I know it's going to be OK. The Lord is providing my every need. I sure need Him to walk me though this season!

In this AFTER, I miss you, and I thank you for the sweet memories I have of us.
Love,
Rachel